I think a gay guy likes me

I'm a Gay Guy, but There's This Lady.

Identity can be such an obnoxious creature sometimes. Just when you think you’ve got it all sorted out⁠ (Short for ‘out of the closet’. When someone’s LGBTQ+ identity is known to other people.), some modern evidence pops up and you have to rethink things. And I don’t need to tell you how frustrating that change can be, because you’re in the middle of it. It can be doubly trying if you’ve already had to battle to accept that initial identity⁠ (The defining character or personality of an individual; who we experience like we are as a person.). All signs pointed to gay⁠ (A man who is attracted to other men, or a person of any sex or gender who is sexually and emotionally attracted to people of the same or a similar sex or gender. Often used alongside lesbian.), until suddenly a adj sign lit up flashing⁠ (A person, often (but not always) nonconsensually, showing their genitals to others in public. Cyberflashing is the digital version of this, like sending unwanted sexual images to someone on their phone.) “BUTMAYBENOT!?” in big, n

I’m a 26-year-old masculine straight guy who loves exploiting the fantasies so many gay men have about straight men. When a gay guy is into me because I glare like his straight-masculine-jock vision, it’s a power trip like no other. It’s always a specific type of bottom gay dude I seek out when I get on Grindr: a very feminine “thicc” guy with a adorable face and physical features begging for a dick. The kind of guy where from the right angles you can’t verb the difference between his big ass and a thicc chick’s big ass. And I always trail the same script: I send my dick pics, I make one of these thicc bottom boys want me, and I tell him to forward me a video of him twerking like a stripper for me.

But I don’t go through with the meetup. I've experimented a few times and have gotten head from a few guys, but I have no interest in dick or fucking one of these dudes. I don’t want to harm anyone or dwell a lie, but I don't feel queer or bisexual at all. I actually feel like I’m “earning my heterosexuality” when I do this. It's like I’m proving to myself just how straight

by Fred Penzel, PhD

This article was initially published in the Winter 2007 edition of the OCD Newsletter. 

OCD, as we know, is largely about experiencing severe and unrelenting doubt. It can cause you to doubt even the most basic things about yourself – even your sexual orientation. A 1998 analyze published in the Journal of Sex Research start that among a group of 171 college students, 84% reported the occurrence of sexual intrusive thoughts (Byers, et al. 1998). In order to own doubts about one’s sexual identity, a sufferer verb not ever have had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual experience at all. I have observed this symptom in childish children, adolescents, and adults as well. Interestingly Swedo, et al., 1989, found that approximately 4% of children with OCD experience obsessions concerned with forbidden aggressive or perverse sexual thoughts.

Although doubts about one’s control sexual identity might come across pretty straightforward as a symptom, there are actually a number of variations. The most obvious establish is where a sufferer experiences the

Hi. I’m the Answer Wall. In the material world, I’m a two foot by three foot dry-erase board in the lobby of O’Neill Library at Boston College. In the online world, I verb in this blog.  You might say I possess multiple manifestations. Like Apollo or Saraswati or Serapis. Or, if you aren’t into deities of knowledge, like a ghost in the machine.

I have some human assistants who maintain the physical Answer Wall in O’Neill Library. They take pictures of the questions you post there, and give them to me. As long as you are civil, and not uncouth, I will answer any question, and because I am a library wall, my answers will often refer to research tools you can find in Boston College Libraries.

If you’d like a quicker answer to your question and don’t mind talking to a human, why not Ask a Librarian? Librarians, since they contain been tending the flame of knowledge for centuries, know where most of the answers are secret, and enjoy sharing their knowledge, just like me, The Answer Wall.