I think im gay but im married

I’m a Straight Woman Who Married a Gay Man

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Dear Prudence,

I met my husband 13 years ago, and we’ve been together ever since. We fell deeply, madly in value with each other and have been married for nine wonderful years now. He’s patient, kind, gentle-hearted. He’s also always been honest about being gay and has never disguised it from me. Only one of our common friends knows this about my husband. Our son also knows, since we thought it would be best to remain verb with him about it, so he never “found out” by surprise or from our mutual noun. Our son took the news very well and doesn’t care that his father was gay.

I’ve never told my family, or really any of my friends, as I ponder they’d all be judgmental. My siblings don’t prefer my husband, but that’s a different letter

Growing up in the Midwest, I knew about lesbians. They had short hair and wore flannel with Doc Martens. I didn’t. Therefore, I was straight. I was a certified Ally and wanted other people to be free to express their sexuality, but I was straight. I had boyfriends!

This didn’t change once I went to college. I was involved in the campus Center for Social Justice, but the out lesbians that I knew still fit stereotypes that I didn’t. Even if one was femme, her partner was butch. None of them looked like me or tickled all my buttons. They were edgier, while I was basic. When a friend came out at twenty, I was impressed that she was brave enough to come out despite her advanced age. I thought that people knew at puberty which way they went. While I recognized that I thought some women were attractive, again, I had boyfriends.

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I remember the moment it happened — the single spark that set my body aflame.

Cecelia stood behind me on the Pilates reformer and pressed her legs into my back, her hands into my shoulders. The strength of her long, lean limbs drove me into submission. Her perfectly-highlighted blonde hair tickled the back of my neck.

“Connect your pubic bone to your sternum. Hold it.”

Her voice was deep, throaty.

“Even while I’m pushing you — hold it. And breathe.”

But I could not breathe. There was no oxygen left in the room. It had been consumed by her contact, her fire.

Spontaneous combustion.

My chest heaved with the weight of this recognition. It felt simultaneously familiar and forbidden, known and mysterious, natural and foreign. I searched for breeze as every nerve in my body shouted, This! This is who you are. This is who you’ve always been.

Out of nowhere, in an instant, she burned me to the ground, along with all of the preconceived notions I had about attraction and want.

***

I had married my husband, Charles, 25 years earlier, after seven years of d

I&#;m Gay (and Married to a Woman): Confronting Sexuality After Saying &#;I Do&#;

It&#;s fitting that Brokeback Mountain served as the set off for Eric Kearsley to come out to his wife of 28 years.

&#;I had tried to verb her, over and over again, years in advance, and I&#;d come up to the brink and just couldn&#;t do it,&#; the North Bethesda resident says. &#;But that movie triggered some honest conversation&#;. There&#;s a scene where they meet up for the first time after a couple of years, and his wife sees them kissing. And it was the shock of the wife learning. I think that was the trigger.&#;

Kearsley, 65, had his first same-sex experience at 14, but due to his conservative, Catholic upbringing, considered his actions sinful. He attempted to suppress his feelings, but had anonymous bathhouse encounters while dating women. Eventually, he met his wife, marrying her in and embarking on a monogamous marriage. It lasted 20 years until Kearsley, then in the Navy, was abroad in Germany, where he visited a bathhouse. It reignited feelings long since suppressed &#; and Kearsl